Banned!

27 December, 2011

My wife has banned me from hiring or buying Ford or Holden cars. Since Hertz gets busy around Christmas, they were booked out of Mercedes, Lexus and even the more interesting Toyotas. From what was left, I decided to hire a Ford G6E (it’s the replacement for the Fairlane, kind of like a luxury Falcon variant). To be honest, I was hoping it would be bad all along — not undriveably bad, but bad enough to complain about for a while. It definitely didn’t disappoint in that regard. It’s like a bogan’s attempt at producing a premium product. It misses the bar so badly it’s not even funny.

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Click that!

24 September, 2011

The threads on 4chan
All looked so lame
He typed the CAPTCHA
To post his flame
The newfags ate it
Replies came in
That OP’s ego
Swelled with the win!

He’s saying I’m on a roll
With all the trolls I know
The copy-pasta
Flies to and fro
He’s saying I’m on a roll
With all the trolls I know
I know you wanna click that
I know you wanna click that, click that!
All the memes are getting old I say
But posts of substance feel like work, not play
That’s the way it
That’s the way /b/ rolls!

The date in marker
Proves she’s for real
She posts the photo
Not much revealed
But this is 4chan
It leads them on
She feels the power
As the luscious femanon!

She’s saying I’m on the run
I’m chasing lulz for fun
The lonely /b/tards
Come begging one by one
She’s saying I’m on the run
I’m chasing lulz for fun
I know you wanna click that
I know you wanna click that, click that!
All the memes are getting old I say
But posts of substance feel like work, not play
That’s the way it
That’s the way /b/ rolls!

Soon it’s no more —
Four-oh-four
Really nothing gained
But why not
Join a raid
And hear the fags complain!
And you won’t stop —
Can’t give up
4chan owns your brain
You close the window
But you’ll be back, /b/ro

You’ll say I’m on a roll
With all the trolls I know
You liek teh mudkipz —
Think we don’t know?
You’re saying I’m on a roll
With all the trolls I know
I know you wanna click that
I know you wanna click that, click that!
All the memes are getting old I say
But posts of substance feel like work, not play
That’s the way it
That’s the way /b/ rolls!

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War on Everything

12 September, 2011

The apparent incompetence of Victorian state governments never ceases to amaze me. The steady war on public transport is a great example. Ted & Co. have now decided that it’s a good idea to drop the Metcard, and also drop the rollout of single-use Myki tickets. Lolwut? You’re trying to tell me that the only way I can ride public transport in Melbourne is to buy a non-refundable $10 card that doesn’t come pre-loaded with any credit, then add credit to it at a railway station? If a family visits Melbourne and wants to catch public transport, they need to buy one of these cards for each and every family member? I can’t actually pay for tram travel on a tram, or at the majority of tram stops? Are you for real, or are you just doing it for the lulz, Ted? I know you inherited the Myki fiasco from Bracks/Brumby, but you’re supposed to be making things better, not worse. The only way I can spin this as a positive is to imagine that it’s an attempt to discourage people from using public transport, combatting the chronic crowding that makes Sydney’s peak hour trains look empty by comparison. I can’t see that being a net improvement, as it will just push more people onto the already congested roads.

I can’t see how anyone could get a smartcard ticketing system so wrong in the first place. Myki cards cost $10 upfront, come with no credit, are non-refundable, and expire after a few years. They also cannot be bought at unstaffed stations (the majority of them). You can’t travel when you run out of credit, but there is no way to add credit on trams, or at most tram stops. It doesn’t automatically promote to a weekly fare if you travel a few times within a week — you need to decide in advance to convert credit to a weekly pass, so you still need to know in advance that you will be travelling several days in the week, and you need to queue up for the ticket machine to get this registered on your card. Didn’t anyone think about what it would be like to actually use the system?

When in Melbourne after the Metcard system is retired, I will resort to hiring cars, walking or fare evading. Myki just doesn’t look to be worth the trouble.

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Proceed

6 September, 2011

You know where Kings Cross becomes Potts Point, there’s a cop shop and a fountain, right? Well, even if you don’t, just try to imagine it, or get a picture from Google Street View. Anyway, as I was walking past this point on my way to the railway station this morning, these two dudes in suits walk up to the traffic lights, push the button, then just walk straight out without looking either way. A taxi was coming, and since it had a green light, wasn’t slowing down. Poor taxi driver slammed on the brakes and stopped just in time. Guy shouldn’t have stopped — he could’ve contributed to a well-deserved Darwin award. I mean the two idiots must have realised that the crossing was arbitrated with traffic lights, because they actually pushed the button, so they had absolutely no excuse. I rant about idiot drivers, but idiot pedestrians are just as bad.

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Don’t be Evil

27 July, 2011

Last night on my way home from work, I found a CommSec debit MasterCard on the ground. It still had over a year before expiry, and there was a four-digit number in small handwriting in the corner of the signature panel. I picked it up, and as soon as I got home, I rang the issuer and got the card cancelled. All they needed from me was the number off the front of the card — they took my claim to have found it at face value, so if you want to play a prank on an ex, or someone whose card you just happened to read the number off… But after I hung up, I had major regrets about what I’d just done. I mean, I didn’t even try to be just a little evil before cancelling the card. The handwritten four-digit number was likely a PIN (yeah, a lot of people keep their PIN with or on their card, hence the warning in the T&C that the bank won’t care about fraudulent withdrawals if you do), and even if it wasn’t, Coles lets you spend up to $30 with no PIN or signature these days. Besides, I picked it up in affluent Rushcutters Bay, and only rich people have CommSec accounts anyway. They wouldn’t miss just a few hundred dollars, right? Damn my honesty!

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I swear…

13 July, 2011

I recently had the dubious pleasure of writing an affidavit, which is a tedious back-and-forth process involving many drafts and revision. When it was all finalised, my solicitor asked whether I’d like to swear an oath on a Bible or make an affirmation. Being a pragmatic kind of guy, I asked what the legal difference is, to which she asked, “Well, are you religious?” Not wavering from my tack, I refused to answer if it wasn’t going to make a difference legally.

The implication is, of course, that a “religious” person might prefer to swear an oath on a Bible. But let’s see what Jesus had to say about oaths. Take Matthew 5:34-37, for example (NIV):

But I tell you, do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your “Yes” be “Yes”, and your “No”, “No”; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

The Epistle of James contains a similar exhortation (5:12 NIV):

Above all, my brothers, do not swear — not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your “Yes” be yes, and your “No”, no, or you will be condemned.

Both of those verses strongly support making an affirmation as far as I can see. This would seem to make the option of swearing an oath on a Bible redundant.

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メガネ

29 June, 2011

There’s a girl who works in the same building as me who looks like the archetypal meganekko. I saw her in the lift again yesterday, but I couldn’t summon the courage to ask her which anime she escaped from.

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Fun in a Bottle

12 June, 2011

(Important disclaimer: anything described in this posting is likely to be a bad idea, and may be harmful to your or others’ health or wellbeing; this posting must not be interpreted as encouraging or advocating any activities described herein; the author will not be held liable for any results or side effects of attempts to replicate any activities described.)

It seems the trend these days is to restrict access to anything potentially harmful in the interest of protecting people from themselves. It’s irritating at best — I mean, can’t we just let the most foolish individuals conveniently remove themselves from the gene pool? At worst it’s infuriating, when you want a particular chemical for something, but there’s just no way you’ll legally obtain it. Fortunately, you can still get some fun chemicals at your local supermarket. One such chemical is chlorine-based mould remover. This stuff is great — it can be quite harmful, but it gives you a lot of warning signs before it does any damage. Contact with skin can cause burns, but you’ll get uncomfortably itchy before you reach that point. The fumes can attack the lining of your throat, but you’ll have trouble breathing long before that happens. The fumes can also damage your eyes, but they’ll feel dry and itchy first. In general, if you start to feel uncomfortable, move away and ventilate the area before coming back. It’s really just common sense.

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Vics

12 June, 2011

I was walking home from work the other night, down New South Head Road, through Edgecliff and Rushcutters Bay. I saw this car in the right-hand lane going slow with the right indicators on. They weren’t near anywhere that they could actually turn right so I’m thinking, “Where the hell do you thing you’re going?” Then they come to the set of lights at Mona Road, where they could only turn left, and they do a U-turn. I’m like, “What the fuck? You can’t do a U-turn there.” Then I notice their blue-on-white number plate proclaiming that the state of Victoria is the place to be. It was my first real “bloody Victorian driver” moment since returning to New South Wales.

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Encouraging Violence

22 March, 2011

There have been a number of self-styled “experts” in the media claiming that distributing the video of Casey Heynes delivering a smackdown on Richard Gale encourages violence. I’ll tell you who’s encouraging violence: everyone who’s said in public that Casey’s suplex slam was unjustified. You’re telling bullies, “Go on, pick on the fat kids; they have no right to defend themselves. You’ll get your kicks, and the worst you’ll suffer is a few days’ detention.” I saw a child psychologist quoted as saying that counselling is the best solution. What good would counselling be to Casey with his front teeth knocked out? Casey did the right thing: he showed Richard that he won’t put up with being humiliated, and he showed considerable restraint. I mean he didn’t even respond to the first punch, and when he snapped it was just a suplex slam — imagine where Richard would have been if Casey had gone for a pile driver. Instead of a screwed up leg, he’d have a fractured skull or broken neck.

Oh, and I saw Mrs Gale on TV complaining about how Casey’s getting all the love, and no-one feels sorry for her boy. I’ll tell you why: because you brought him up to be a violent jerk. You should thank Casey for trying to knock some sense into your brat — it’s obviously more than you’ve ever done for him. Hopefully from this day forward he’ll be a changed person, but given his refusal to apologise, I don’t hold out much hope. His excuse that he’s been bullied too is no justification. If that’s the case, he of all people should have known better than to throw those fateful punches.

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